


Do I wanna know?

by killians-dashingrescue (caroc25)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: CS AU, F/M, Friends to Lovers, cs modern setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 00:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5518784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caroc25/pseuds/killians-dashingrescue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Christmas gift for Gutter Flowers Secret Santa, amagicalship. Based on the prompt she sent me:" We're at a Christmas party and our friends got drunk and started going on about how cute we would be together AU"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do I wanna know?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to phiralovesloki and oncertwice for being my beta.
> 
> Merry Christmas! xxx

She’s exhausted, her muscles hurt, her feet are killing her, and the only thing she wants is to get in the tub and relax with a glass of wine. Unfortunately, as Emma has been reminded several times by Mary Margaret or Ruby via text messages, today is their annual Christmas party at her brother’s place. 

 

It’s not that she doesn’t want to see her friends at the party— it’s the fact that it’s Christmas-themed. Everyone will be cheery, spreading joy and drinking eggnog and stuffing their faces with holiday food under the sparkly, over-the-top decorations (Ruby’s fault). It’s not that she doesn’t like Christmas; it’s more that she isn’t a big fan. 

 

Until David’s family adopted her, the holidays weren’t a time for celebrating for her, and sadly, it’s always stayed that way. 

 

Just when she’s about to sit down and massage her feet a little, there’s a knock on her door. The groan that escapes her lips is more whiny than frustrated—she just wants to relax! Is that too much to ask? Reluctantly, she wobbles her way to her door as the pounding gets more insistent. 

 

“Is that necessary?” she grits through her teeth. Killian, with his fist in mid-air, is ready to knock on her door once more. 

 

“Well, it was taking you so bloody long to answer the door, I was starting to think that you had fallen asleep.”

 

“As you can see, I am wide awake. What are you doing here?” she asks as she lets him in.

 

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember the party at the Charmings.” 

 

She follows him as he walks to her kitchen, making himself quite at ease as he opens her nearly empty fridge and pulls out two beers. He uncaps them both before handing her one. 

 

“How could I forget?” she scoffs. “You know Mary Margaret as well as I do. She’s been texting me non-stop so I won’t forget to make the cupcakes and to make them Christmas-y. Oh, and there’s Ruby who keeps doing her part to be annoying as hell and trying to convince me to wear a sequin dress.” 

 

Killian chuckles at her rant as he takes a swig of his drink and follows her to her living room. He makes himself comfortable next to her, propping his feet on her coffee table. Emma notices that he’s wearing the silly Christmas socks she gave him the year before as a gag gift. The ones with the reindeer on his toes with a little red pompom serving as its nose. She snorts as she nods towards his socks.

 

“Are you seriously wearing those?” His cheeks turn as red as the pompom, something that she always found adorable from him.

 

“Well, we are celebrating Christmas aren’t we?” he asks as he tried to mask his embarrassment with a cock of his eyebrow. 

 

“We are, but I would expect something like this from David, not you.” 

 

They both laugh at that. David would come dressed as Santa Claus if Mary Margaret asked him to. 

 

“Aye, that’s true. Unfortunately, the real reason behind this particular item is that they were the only pair of clean socks I had left.”

 

“Well now I’m offended.” She gives him a shocked face, her hand resting on her chest to complete the look. 

 

They both laugh for a bit until Killian nudges her with his foot as he tells her to get ready. She can’t help but whine, telling him what he already knows, that she doesn’t want to go out. Especially now that he’s at her place, and they could both just hang out, watch a movie, order take-out and drink beer. He tells her how tempting that is but reminds her that if they want to live long enough to see the New Year, they better move before Mary Margaret sends off David to come get them, or worse, come herself and drag them to the party. She ends up agreeing with him and gets up from her couch and makes her way towards her bedroom.

 

Deciding on taking as much time as needed to get ready, she opts for a shower, hoping that’ll wake her up and change her mood. Washing her work day off does indeed help her to feel a bit more human, and she feels that she might actually be able to survive this party. The sequin dress isn’t happening, though; she grabs a pair of black skinny jeans and finds a black and cream sheer blouse before making sure to put on her prettiest black bra under it. Her makeup is simple: a thin black line on her eyelid, some mascara, and a bit of color to her lips. 

 

As she’s finishing applying the last touches to her look, Killian softly knocks on her door and opens it enough for him to peek his head inside. She turns around to look at him and makes a little pose to show off her look. She notices how his gaze lingers on her. It’s not the first time he’s looked at her that way, with his eyes dancing all over her form, a small smile tugging on his lips, making her heart beat faster and her blood simmer through her veins. Whenever it happens, she reminds herself that he’s her friend and nothing else and that she’s only seeing what she wants to see. He’ll never think more of her and that’s okay. After all these years, she has made her peace with it: Killian Jones will always be her friend, her best friend, and nothing else will ever come out of their relationship. 

 

“You like it?” she asks as she moves around her room. His only reply is his usual  _ ‘aye _ .’

 

She finds the pair of high heels she was looking for, the red ones that perfectly match her lipstick. Once they are on, she makes her way towards him and grabs the beer that is in his hands and chugs what’s left. 

 

“Hey, I was drinking that.”

 

“I know, but since you’re the one driving, I would actually appreciate getting there in one piece,” she tells him, walking past him and into the corridor that leads to her entrance. 

 

“One beer, Swan, what harm could come from one beer?” 

 

She smiles at him as she bumps his shoulder with hers before grabbing her coat and the cupcakes, that apparently Killian thought on taking out of the fridge, that are now waiting on the bench. She nods towards his coat that is still hanging on her coat rack. 

 

“Come on, let’s get this over with before I change my mind.” 

 

“As you wish.”

 

-/-

 

They arrive at the party with no incident, and of course Killian feels the need to rub it in.  _ (I told you, Swan.) _

 

They enter her brother’s apartment and she has to stop for a second and squint her eyes to adjust to the decor. Her senses are assaulted with the holiday vibe, lights tangled with garlands framing the door, and she can see from afar figurines and small Christmas trees decorating the table. She can smell the peppermint and spices from the treats that are on the table, next to the eggnog. And of course, Christmas songs are coming out of the speakers. 

 

“Holy crap, looks as if a an elf threw up in here. It’s worse than usual.”

 

“Cheer up, Swan, there’s alcohol.”

 

“First good news of the evening. I feel like I’ll be needing it.” 

 

They gather the courage to make their way further in, as they’re overwhelmed by the holidays spirit until their friends spot them amidst the small crowd in the living room. Emma notices that everyone is here, even the people she thought wouldn’t come, like Aurora and her husband Phillip and Ashley and Sean, complete with their kids. Jefferson’s here, too, with his daughter  Grace in one corner playing with the toddlers. Emma relaxes a bit when she sees familiar faces such as August, who seems to be in a deep conversation with Jefferson. She notices Tink, Belle and Ruby talking with Mulan as she holds the hand of redhead with big wild curls. 

 

Killian moves from her side to greet his friend Robin, both men cheering quite loudly, making his presence known to the group as well as hers. Ruby shrieks when she sees her and Emma is relieved that her friend is wearing impossibly high heels which made her run towards her less brutal. 

 

“You finally made it! I was wondering if Killian would need help dragging you out of your apartment.” 

 

Emma rolls her eyes at her friend, and waves her hand at the group as they all greet her from where they are standing. 

 

“I was just meeting Mulan’s new girlfriend, come on, let me present you.”

 

Ruby doesn’t give her time to get a drink first, which she hates, but she ends up having fun talking with Merida. At first, her thick Scottish accent throwing her off a bit, since she’s mostly used to the British accents that they have in their groups of friends.   

 

Their discussion is interrupted when the hostess finds her and greets her with a hug. Her brother is just behind his fiancée and does the same when he sees her. 

 

“I didn’t know you were already here! David and I had a turkey related emergency in the kitchen.”

 

“That’s okay, I was just talking with the girls here.” She nods towards the little group, which has already jumped into another discussion.

 

“We’re glad you’re here,” David says when Mary Margaret remembers she needs to check something in the kitchen. “I know that you’re not big on holiday parties.”

 

“You’re my brother! Of course I was going to come.”

 

“With some encouragement.” 

 

She laughs at that. David has known her longer than anyone else, and he knows how stubborn she is. They are interrupted when she feels a hand on the small of her back, and she’s barely surprised to find Killian standing behind her, holding out a drink. David promptly excuses himself when he hears his wife calling him from the kitchen. 

 

“Eggnog?”

 

“Mary Margaret insisted that I bring you a glass.” He leans closer to her, his mouth lingering next to her ear. “Don’t worry, I added some rum for you.” He winks at her as he leans back, and she tries (and fails miserably) to fight her body’s reaction to that wink.

 

“Thanks,” she breathes out. 

 

As the evening wears on, she finally relaxes; and she hates to admit that it’s due to Killian. He stays by her side, filling in for her when she starts to feel uncomfortable in a conversation, or taking her away from the crowd so they could get another drink and let her breathe for awhile. At moments like these, she feels confused, feeling both happy and a bit angry. Killian has always made her so happy during these parties; he knows how to make her have a good time, offering her the right amount of socializing and alone time. But all those little things he does to make sure she’s having fun are far from helping her get  rid of that crush (or maybe more) that she has for him. 

 

As usual, after they all got the chance to sit down and enjoy the insane amount of food,  followed by dessert, the alcohol comes flowing in abundance. Christmas tunes are replaced by some indie rock which gives the party a whole new ambiance, one that Emma enjoys. 

 

Some of their friends left a bit early since the kids were starting to get sleepy, grumpy with a mix of sugar high. Not a winner combination. The ones that stayed ended up in the living room, all of them trying to fit on the couch. Mary Margaret ended up sitting on David’s lap, whilst Regina and Robin were really  _ really  _ close. Mulan and Merida looked like a new couple as they had their legs and fingers tangled with the other, sharing those little glances that newly couples do, which caused Regina to tell them to  _ ‘get a room’ _ . 

 

Killian ended up sitting next to her as per usual, and as the evening progressed, more alcohol made its way through her veins which caused her to lower the barrier she gives herself when it comes to Killian and she started to lean more and more on him. In the end her head fell on his shoulder and his fingers made its way to her hair. Emma slowly started to drift off from the conversation that was going on, and enjoying the way Killian’s fingers moved through her hair causing her eyes to close. For the first time that night Emma felt relax and happy, inwardly smiling as she felt her head move to the rhythm of his breathing and the steady beat of his heart. 

 

Emma is called back to reality when she hears her name and opens her eyes and tries to focus on what’s happening. Mary Margaret is looking at her with a bright smile and she wonders what the hell she just missed.

 

“What?”

 

“I said you two look so cute together.” She’s not sure who’s she’s talking about but she has an inkling which only makes her heart start to beat faster against her ribcage. 

 

“Who?” She straightens herself as she asks her friend and can’t help but notice Killian’s body stiffening next to her.

 

“You and Killian of course. Remind me again why you two aren’t dating? You’re  _ clearly  _ perfect for each other.”

 

She feels her jaw drop for a moment before she can gather a bit of her with and tries to answer her friend. 

 

“We’re just friends, nothing else.” Her answer came out dry and a little on the mean side, but she can’t help herself. She doesn’t know who she trying to convince more, her or her friends, and she has a feeling that it’s more for her. She notices the look of disbelief on her friends face and it only makes her panic more. 

 

Her feelings for Killian are clearly more than that, but she can’t tell them that, especially when she’s more than convinced that he sees her as his best friend. Before she knows it, she’s up and walking towards the bathroom on the other side of the apartment. The further she is from whatever just happened, the better it is. 

 

The moment she’s alone, she locks the door and her hands are then laying flat on the counter on each side of the sink. She lifts her head to look at herself on the mirror and notices how her eyes are glassy and red, tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. 

 

As she looks at herself she starts to wonder if the redness on her cheeks is due to the alcohol or the last discussion with her friends. Emma exhales, trying to regain some of her composure and turns on the cold water and dabs her face with it.

 

When she opens the door, Killian is leaning on the wall in front of the door, clearly waiting for her. He pushes himself off the wall and walks towards her with a frown on his face. 

 

“Are you okay?” His hands move to lay on her shoulders, his eyes seeking hers.

 

“Yeah, I just needed a minute alone.” she answers as she tries her best to avoid his gaze, knowing all too well that he’ll notice that something is wrong. 

 

“Okay.” He doesn’t sound convinced, but doesn’t fight her on it like he usually do. 

 

They stay in an awkward silence, both shifting slightly on their feet and when Emma decides to take a glimpse at him she notices that he looks a bit nervous.

 

“Look Emma, about what Mary Margaret said,” he scratched the back of his ear as his cheeks turned crimson. She cut him off before she knew it, not wanting to embarrass herself any further and at the same time wanting to avoid the pain of rejection.

 

“I think I’ll go home. I’m tired and I had too much too drink.” His mouth was agape and looked down at his feet before looking back at her. He nodded his head and she could swear she saw a glimpse of pain flash through his eyes, but now he was looking at her with one of smiles.

 

“Of course. Let’s take a cab.”

 

“You know I can get one myself?”

 

“I do, but it’s quite late and I would prefer to know you’re safe.” 

 

“What about your car?”

 

“I can come back tomorrow, I think I may have drank a tad too much myself.”

 

Her insides turned to mush as she realized how much she liked him, how honest and sincere he was. She nodded as she turned on her heels and walked down the hall so they could bid goodbye to their friends. 

 

The ride back to her place is silent. She tries as best as she can to stay on her side even though she wants more than nothing else to just lean on his shoulder and feel the warmth of him enveloppe her. When the taxi stops in front of her place, Killian insists on paying the driver and follows her out of the car.

 

“I’m a big girl, I can walk back to my door alone.” She really just needs him to leave, not because she doesn’t want him near her but because she wants him way too much and confuses her. 

 

“I know you can, but I want to walk you, and stop fighting me on every little thing will you?” 

 

“Fine.” 

 

Once they reach her door, she stands awkwardly as she smiles at him, ready to tell him goodnight so she can then stumble on her bed and hide herself under the covers for the next few years. 

 

“Did you mean what you said back there?” 

 

She’s taken by surprise, and although she knows what he’s referring to, she can’t help but act as if she doesn’t.

 

“Which part?”

 

“That we’re friends and nothing else?”

 

Emma hesitates for a second or two, wondering what would happen if she told him  _ ‘no’. _ If she told him how much she loves him more than just a friend, so much more. But the thought of him rejecting her, once again makes refrain on doing so. 

 

“Well, yeah.”

 

“You’re poor liar Swan. You hesitated. Why?”

 

“What do you want me to tell you?”

 

“The truth.” Emma feels her resolve crumble as she hears the vulnerability in his voice.  _ Maybe _ , just  _ maybe _ she isn’t the only one feeling this way. 

 

“I’m afraid that the truth will just fuck things up between us.”

 

“Then let me be the one to fuck things up and be honest. I hope you didn’t mean any of that.” She could swear that her heart just flatlined upon hearing his words. 

 

“What do you mean?” The words come out as if she is short of breath (which she is).

 

“Bloody hell Emma, am I going to have to spell it out for you?” He suddenly closes the space between them, both his hands now cupping her face. Her heart has now come back to life with force, now threatening to beat out of her ribcage. “I am in love with you Emma and I have been for a long time.”

 

Emma sees how open and honest his eyes are, making it impossible for him to tell her that as a joke. And one thing Emma Swan does best is detect a lie through someone’s eye and right now, he’s being as open and vulnerable as he can be.

 

Before she has time to process his words any further and make her rationalize his words, her hands move to cup his jaw and presses her lips on his. She stops breathing in for a second as she inhales all of him as ingrain this moment forever. Emma notices Killian doing the same as they both stay still, their lips pressed together and hands holding each others faces. They break the kiss as they lean back for a moment, eyes fixed in one another, silently asking each other the same question  _ ‘do you want this?’. _

 

This time when their lips are on one another, it is filled with passion and need for the other. Her fingers move up until she grabs a fistful of his hair while his hand move back to cradle her head in his palm. The kiss gradually escalates from something sweet and innocent to passionate and needy, as he presses her back on the nearest wall, keeping her still with his hips. Emma can’t help herself from moaning when she feels his tongue caress hers which in response only makes him groan.

 

He kisses her one last time, teasing her as he takes her lower lip between his and sucking lightly on her pink flesh. He presses his forehead on hers, both of them breathing heavily. Her hands are now on his chest and she must say she enjoys having him pressed against her as she feels the hard muscles of his chest, her thoughts wandering on which other part of his body might feel great pressed against her.

 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” he tells her as his thumb caresses the line of her jaw. 

 

“Me, too.”

 

“Really? Friends that are nothing more than that don’t kiss like that.”

 

“No they don’t. But maybe we can change that.” She feels her eyes flutter as she looks up at him, as she bites down her bottom lip. Emma notices how his gaze move from her eyes to her lips, and then back to her eyes, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.

 

“Are you telling me that you want us to be more than friends?”

 

“Well, since we are both in love with each other, our friendship could benefit of an upgrade. What do you think?” 

 

Killian seemed stunned for a moment, realizing what she just admitted to him. He regains his composure as he gives her one of his lopsided grin. 

 

“Aye, I think we do.” 

 

“In that case, want to come inside?” The grin he gives her is so wide that she can’t help herself to grin back as widely as well. 

 

“I thought you would never ask.” 

 

It doesn’t take too long for them to step back into each other’s arms once they are inside. It takes them a bit more time to before they reach her bed half naked and wanting, and a bit more for them to finally let sleep claim them with their limbs tangled. 

 

Emma wakes up as the first beams of light start to seep through her curtains and she takes the opportunity to watch the man next to her sleep. She can’t help the way her lips curve upwards as she reminisce on the night before, on how they friendship shifted to another level. She feels giddy all over again at the thought of everything that awaits them, and can’t believe that the whole time she was beating herself up for having feelings for Killian, and convincing herself that it would never happen, he was doing the same. They only needed to have drunk Mary Margaret to say outloud what they weren’t capable to admit. 

  
As Killian wakes up with sleepy smile and hoarse _ ‘good morning’, _ she can’t help but think that Christmas might not be as bad as she thought.


End file.
